Kai Clashes With Her Dominant Sometimes... Which is Probably to be Expected

Sometimes it’s difficult to be an emotional submissive with a logic-based Dominant. Not bad, mind you, but difficult. I’ll set myself to writing an entry about something that I feel strongly about—you’ve probably figured out by now that I’m very opinionated at least some of the time—and later have it brought to my attention that instead of “addressing the issue at hand,” I’m standing on a soap-box talking about why I feel a certain way rather than directly examining the subject.

At that point, of course, I get frustrated. I get upset, even though I tell myself that I shouldn’t. And the reason I get upset is that something I feel very strongly about is being taken apart logically in front of me, divorced from emotional content and personal investment.

The other reason I get upset is that he’s most often right about things like that.

There is something that is simultaneously enjoyable and maddening about being partnered to a scientist. Sometimes I love that difference, and sometimes it feels like running up against a brick wall.

Upon reading my entry about gender identity, gender preference, and D/s configuration, DW told me in no uncertain terms that there were, in fact, biological bases for all of these things, and therefore it was erroneous to assume that the fact of me being female has nothing to do with the fact of me being a submissive. He said that within species which contain males and females, the males are dominant… and that humans, despite having developed higher intelligence, don’t get to claim exemption. Biology is full of exceptions, accounting for the existence of male submissives, female Dominants, and whatever other configurations one might come across, but my claim that there is no relationship between the two was found to be faulty because I addressed the whole issue via personal viewpoints and opinions instead of fact.

Gender identity is a very personal issue for me. It isn’t that I want to be a male rather than a female, but… I do feel very strongly about socially-constructed views on how gender should dictate what a person’s role is. So, being as emotionally invested in it as I am, it wasn’t exactly easy to hear that I had invalidated at least part of my argument by failing to take into account the idea that there is a biological basis for things like this.

When conversations like this happen, and I get frustrated by being countered with logic and research, I tell myself after the fact that this is me being pushed to think in different directions and accept things that I did not know or consider before, even when they are at odds with how I feel. It would be easier if I were being countered with another opinion, but oftentimes it isn’t opinion that I come up against. Or it’s opinion bolstered by fact. So I have to consider different angles, different information, different approaches.

Sometimes, it drives me crazy.

On the other hand, I always know that I am safe with him. He knows the limitations of the human body, what can and cannot be “safely” done with it, how much impact is within reasonable parameters and how much will cause permanent damage. He knows that certain types or amplitudes of play will cause the kidneys to fail, and knows the process by which this happens. I trust this man to take care of me, because he understands the technical aspects of what can and can’t, should and shouldn’t be done with a body. After knowing somebody like this, who has the wherewithal to apply science to BDSM, I doubt I would ever feel truly safe in the hands of a Dominant who does not.

I love my logical, scientist Dominant.

Even though sometimes we just don’t see eye to eye.