Kai Under Control

I ended up spending some time yesterday thinking about the control aspect of our relationship. More accurately, I was thinking about the last two entries that DW wrote. For those of you following him, you know that he just posted one entry on scene-building and another on control. For those of you not following him… well, now you know. He spent a good deal of yesterday at work, so while I was home on my own working on whatever it is I work on during the weekends, I was also thinking about some of the things that he said, particularly those which apply to me.

The one that I’m going to talk about now, and one which he and I discussed over dinner yesterday, is the issue of how much control he holds in our relationship. I believe that his characterization of me in his blog is accurate: that I react badly to people trying to control most aspects of my life, and that this is perhaps a defense mechanism. What’s difficult for me is the fact that I want very badly for a D/s relationship between us to work out, yet for whatever reason we are having trouble building it. On my end are the issues of how I perceive attempts to control me. On his end are the issues of time and available energy. It saddens me that he is not always happy with how much control he has, and I want to work on it so that we can get to a point where we can both be happy. Unfortunately, his work keeps him very busy, and there are many days when he just isn’t in the mood to deal with checking up on a submissive to make sure she’s doing what he’s told her to. I understand this, and have no problem with it. But, it does make it harder for me to know what I can do to make it better.

So, when we were at dinner, I gave him a few ideas for aspects of my life that I don’t mind giving over control of. I’m predominantly using my weekdays to work on a novel, as I am still without a real job, so a lot of what I suggested revolved around that. To list:

-Specifically how many hours a day I have to spend writing (I personally shoot for 5-8 under my own supervision)

-What sorts of things it is acceptable to take breaks for (chores? errands? food?)

-How many breaks I can have, and how long they can be

-(I also fielded the possibility that he could give me a certain number of days a week that I would have to wear makeup, though I generally dislike doing so.)

These suggestions are clearly not numerous, but since most of my days are spent writing there aren’t many areas where rules would be applicable. Plus, DW isn’t a fan of arbitrary rules that don’t serve real purposes.

I am still trying to think of other ways I can help, but in the meantime, I hope that he decides to try a couple of my ideas and see how they work. In my experience, you don’t know how something’s going to go until you try… so I guess I just want my opportunity to do that.