In fact, I would be more likely to define myself as bizarre and unconventional for not having even owned a vibrator until about a year or two ago, when a good friend of mine basically told me, “You need a vibrator. I’m going to order you one from Canada.” This is a paraphrase, but I’m not paraphrasing that much. My friend, who was in the process of getting herself one of those fancy toys that you plug into your mp3 player, took it upon herself to buy me a toy from half a world away and have it delivered to my doorstep in Japan. It looked like this:
Now, the first thing I should probably make clear here is that the reason I have never owned a vibrator has been largely based on a distinct lack of need... and consequently a lack of interest. I had a bit of curiosity about them, but never an accompanying drive to own one. And anyway, I did just fine without one. But it was Spring and I was sexually frustrated and my dear friend decided that she wanted to help me out--which is where the Doc Johnson Flex a Pleasure up there comes in.
All told, this was probably not the best vibrator to start out with. Sure, it's nice and friendly-looking and kind of resembles either a piece of belly jewelry or a phone from the 1970s (I was really tempted to take a photo illustrating the phone resemblance), but it has drawbacks that I wouldn't have thought of upon looking at it. Namely, I ended up using it almost exclusively for external stimulation because it can get... well, "stuck" is sort of the wrong word, but it really isn't far off. The way it's designed to bend is actually pretty cool--and useful!--but if it bends around once it's inside you it can get a little confused on its way out. Once or twice I found that the angle I was removing it at was different from the angle at which it was inserted, and the moments before I was able to successfully maneuver it out were a little bit unnerving. There is a distinct possibility that this makes me stupid, but there is an even more distinct possibility that someone like me who hadn't even handled a standard, non-bendy vibrator should probably have not started out with this one. Additionally, though I used it quite sparingly, the batteries ran out very quickly (apparently, even a few days in the drawer without attention should be grounds for removing them).
And it didn't get me off.
This is actually--as one might expect--the pivotal detail in why, even after I got my vibrator, I continued to be unenthusiastic about them. It isn't that it didn't feel good, or that it didn't do anything... but I just couldn't relate to any of those people who swear by their vibrators.
My first indication that I might be mistaken about the usefulness--or at least, the enjoyability--of vibrators was back when DW and I had our first scene. If you read that entry, you know that he tied me into a simple rope harness and put a vibrator under the rope, sending tremors down to the knot that was tied between my legs. I hadn't put much thought into the vibrator's potential as a partner toy, much less an accessory to BDSM scenes (see my previous separation of kink and sex), and the creative use of it in this one instance made me reevaluate it somewhat.
My second indication didn't come for quite some time afterwards... just a few days ago, in fact, eleven months after that scene. (Wow... eleven months... it's really been that long, since our first BDSM interaction together.) I can't say that DW woke me up with vibrators, exactly... the exchange ran something like this:
Me: "What you thinking about? Thinking about work?"
DW: "No, not work."
Me: "What, then?"
DW: "You'll find out."
At which point he got out of bed to go to work. Or... I assumed that was what he was going to do, since it was roundabout going-to-work time. Instead, he went to his closet for something, came back to the bed, and snuck one of his vibrators under the blanket. I hadn't seen it when he'd grabbed it out of the closet, and I was more than a little surprised by it. He teased me for a few moments, then went back to the closet... but that was just to exchange that vibrator for the one I remembered from the rope scene. After a minute or two he headed off to work, but left me with the vibrator to play with.
And wouldn't you know it... I finished. And I consider this to be something of a big deal, because it's in the category of Things That Never Worked Before. What I have learned from this very spread out series of events is that vibrators can make good partner toys and scene components, and aren't entirely useless and/or unnecessary. I probably won't opt to use them on my own, but in the right situations they can be a lot of fun. And perhaps this is also, in a way, an argument in favor of vibrators having a kink component; after all, tons of vanilla women use them, but they probably don't use them integrated into rope harnesses or as part of power-exchange scenarios. Are vibrators intrinsically kinky? I still say no. But they can integrate into kink situations very well... and that makes them worth putting in the toybox.
Know what else isn't intrinsically kinky but works well in kink situations? Ice. Which is why I've decided that I want this thing.
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