Kai Under the Radar

A couple of days ago, DW and I were poking around on Eden Fantasys (yeah... they spell it that way) looking for toys we might want to test/review, and I speculated that it might be fun to do video reviews. This earned me some reproach from DW, in the form of reminding me how not okay that would be for his professional life. Me, I don't really let my speculating be constrained by things like that; imagination for me doesn't necessarily need to be tied down to real-life concerns. But this exchange reminded me that, much as I would like it to be otherwise, there are some aspects in which kink and the "real world" just don't play nice together.

I have mentioned previously in this blog that DW is in a situation where it could be potentially disastrous for him to be outed as a kink, whereas I am more or less free to throw it around however I want. But the fact of the matter is that this could very easily not be true forever; just because I don't have a job in the "professional" world now doesn't mean I never will, and my freedom to be open or closed as I choose could eventually be taken away. I could be a tattoo artist and never have to worry about whether or not people know I enjoy BDSM, or I could be employed by a university or a financial institution where that information could somehow get me in hot water. It's like getting a dragon tattooed on your neck because you think you're gonna spend your life as a rock star... only to find that no one else will employ you because you can't cover it up. Quite simply, the real world--the professional world--restricts one's personal lifestyle choices and modes of expression, sometimes in ways that honestly sadden me. There is nothing that says that someone with a lot of body art can't wear a suit and lead a board meeting, nor is there anything that says a dominant with a rope fetish can't manage a corporation or be responsible for world-changing technological advances. Instances where two things that have nothing to do with each other whatsoever somehow prove effectively incompatible.

I am jealous, in a way, of people who can be active in the community and not worry about where they show their faces. The people who post video reviews for sex toys on the internet, the submissives who show off their dominants' shibari creations in online photo galleries without hiding their faces. The models who showcase bondage as an art form, to be appreciated as something beautiful. I feel that doing any of these things stands to be somehow damaging... and I wish desperately that this were not true. A candid involvement in one thing shouldn't have any bearing on what one does with the rest of their time. If I felt that I could, I would have a photo gallery of shibari ties, a compendium of what my dominant can do to me. I believe that it is beautiful. But I have no way to know whether this is a safe thing, whether it would eventually turn on me and cause damage. I have no way to know if it would somehow damage my dominant. And, ultimately, it would be up to him whether or not I were even able to share something like that in the first place. I do, after all, belong to him, and I would respect his choice whether or not such images could be shared.

I am an idealist. I realize this. Saying that I wish the world didn't work a certain way won't do anything to change the fact that it does. But you know... I don't think one should have to take the whole rest of their life into account when deciding to post a video review or a photo of a new rope corset. I look at someone like Midori, whose professional world is the kink world, and I think... if she were to ever stop doing that, what would happen to her? And I think, she is lucky that she can dedicate her life to her art. But I also think, one can't really be that visible in the scene and be involved in anything else that's at all high-profile.

Overall, my impression is that, in situations where one wants to be "visible," one really has to choose which world to stand in. One can stand in both worlds if they stay below the radar, but otherwise it strikes me as being difficult... if not impossible. This isn't to say that I want to be all out there throwing my face around... but it would be nice in a way to know that if I wanted to, I could.