Kai Under the Lash

The entry I posted this morning wasn't a real feel-good entry, so I'm going to go ahead and post my write-up about why flogging is awesome. Could I wait until tomorrow? Yeah... except I don't want to. And DW will be here. ^_____^

So. I was asked by one of my play partners in college what it was that I took pleasure in: was it in the pain of being flogged, or in withstanding it? Even now, years later, I think this is a very interesting, almost surprisingly insightful question. I don’t know how many people involved in kink think to ask it. I know that I haven’t been asked it by any of my other partners, and I wonder if that’s because it doesn’t dawn on people that there is a difference… or even a significance to the answer. At the time, I had to think for a moment; even as the person getting hit—the person who liked getting hit—I didn’t have an answer off the top of my head. But I found one.

I took my pleasure in withstanding.

I believe that this is still true of me today. It isn’t the physical sensation produced by the impact of leather on skin… it’s the knowledge that my body will hold up under it. But even this is something of an oversimplification, because I think that pain and the ability to withstand pain blend along the edges. Maybe sometimes it is the pain itself that I like. Maybe sometimes I just don’t separate the two that well. But, deep down, I think it’s the withstanding that keeps me coming back. I think there’s something immensely gratifying about being struck and not breaking down. It is a verification of personal strength, even of control. Not control over your dominant, but control over yourself. It creates a rush, makes you feel alive, makes you aware of your own body in a way that’s quite honestly difficult to feel in any other way.

S/M can be about a lot more than pain.

The floggers that DW and I use are the ones that he made himself. They are made of suede cow leather and have numerous, unbraided tails about an inch wide, making both floggers rather thick and heavy. The ends of the tails don’t taper, and the sensation produced when they hit the skin is more of a thud than a sting. This is the kind that I like most. I’m not a huge fan of stinging pain, but any sting that I get from DW’s floggers is cushioned by the number of tails hitting me. There’s almost a comforting aspect to it, if that makes any sense. I know that he doesn’t hit me with full force—he could certainly hit me a lot harder if he wanted to, though I’m glad he doesn’t—but he doesn’t slack off, either. He is careful insofar as gauging how much force is safe to use with me (I’m not very big, and am in fact significantly smaller than he is), but he doesn’t hit me as though he’s afraid that I will break. Basically, even after just two sessions, he knows how much I can take. That’s really important to me… means I don’t have to give a lot of unsolicited advice or pull out my safeword in the middle of a scene. Instead, I can relax and put my trust in him, which as far as I’m concerned is what you should be able to do with any play partner.

(As I’m writing this, DW is telling me about how he wants to make something out of elk hide and find a “good piece of straight cow leather to make something with a little more bite.” I imagine that if this partnership continues to work, we’ll have a few more floggers to play with in not too long.)

This entry would also be an optimal place to share my favorite flogger that I have not yet played with.

If there are any fencing enthusiasts looking at this, they will doubtless be noticing that the handle of this flogger is a pistol-grip foil hilt. It’s the genuine article, too… I acquired it from a fencing friend of mine back in college who only asked after giving it to me what I wanted it for… I told him he didn’t want to know. I then gave the hilt to another friend who makes floggers, and who had in fact already made me one on a previous occasion. What I got back was a 4-tailed cat, black braided leather, certain to pack some bite. I’ve had it for about five years give or take and still haven’t had it used on me… Hopefully that can be changed, if DW is amenable.

Even if it never gets used, though… how cool is it? Seriously. I’m pretty sure nobody else has one of these. (Though now that I’ve gone and put it on the internet someone else will probably go make one.)

All right… this entry definitely went from serious to me getting all bouncy and excited about my toys. That’s probably okay, though. After all, if you aren’t excited about your toys you probably aren’t as kinky as you wish you were.