Kai Unimpressed: Philosophies #2

I am not extremely career-minded as an individual. This and my current lack of a job allow me a certain amount of not-worriedness regarding how “out” I am about my kink side. I don’t go around telling old ladies on the bus that I like it when my dominant ties me to a pole and flogs me until my tattoo ink raises up out of my skin and he can feel the pattern against his hand, but I do tend to hang my collars and floggers on the wall and answer direct questions when they’re put to me. If someone I know starts having a discussion about pinwheels or shibari, I’ll probably find a way to join in. Selectivity combined with openness is a good mix for me, and as long as I can gauge my audience I don’t feel a whole lot of concern in regards to, for example, potential career damage due to questionable personal character.

I count myself, in this regard, reasonably lucky. I don’t really believe that I’ll be able to spend the rest of my life reading and drawing and writing whenever I want, but I also don’t see myself in any sort of high-power career position where a reputation as a BDSM kink could get me fired or invalidated. Some people really aren’t that lucky. My partner isn’t that lucky. If he were outed at work, it would more than likely damage his standing in his field.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is just not right.

It’s fair enough to say that what two people do in the bedroom shouldn’t be anyone else’s business but the people involved. (Which is a funny thing to say when one is writing a blog like this, but just run with it for now.) I mean, you might share your sex stories with your friends and whatnot, but you most likely wouldn’t tell the guy running your board meeting about your sweet new vibrator that looks like a big freakin’ sea monster or whatever. (Note: I do not own such a vibrator, but would probably not mind if I did.) Here’s the point: being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual, or anything else regarding one’s sexuality and/or gender identity has nothing to do with one’s ability as a person to do their job. The same is true for being, for example, a dominant, a submissive, a sadist, or a masochist. Whatever one’s kink is, it does not impair one’s ability to perform a job. Sure, there are probably some BDSM practitioners out there who are a bit unhinged. But you know… there are plenty of vanilla people who are unhinged, too. If you function as part of society and part of a workplace, what is it that changes if your boss suddenly finds out that on the weekends you like to put your girlfriend in a rope harness, drip hot wax on her legs, and flog her? Perception. Your work will be the same the next day. The appropriateness of your dress will be the same the next day. The seriousness with which you approach your job will be the same the next day.

And yet.

I’m not really meaning to stand on a soap-box here. I don’t want to be politicking. But… I really hate the idea that my partner could get in trouble at work if his bosses or coworkers found out about his kinky side. DW is very good at his chosen profession, extremely intelligent, and demonstrably dedicated. And it isn’t fair that he should even have to worry about not getting taken seriously as a professional because of his sexual proclivities.

I love my dominant. I hate that, in this regard, he is restrained.

[DW's blog hasn't been working since yesterday. Which is pretty annoying, since he's got a nice long post all lined up... Not cool, universe, not cool.]